Tuesday, March 02, 2010

Spiritual Journey IV

It had been a while, one day short of 70 days to be exact, since I had been to church. As I mentioned in my last post, I had sensed that the animosity and divisions still existed that I was so wanting to escape. However, a reunion in an informal setting with some of the people with whom I had worshiped and a sudden severing of contact with someone I had supported led me to decide I should see if things had changed.

So with Greg and Bruce out of town, I went and had my own revelation.

Can one be sitting at a church service and suddenly realize it is all just a bunch of hooey?

Does anyone really believe all this? Do they listen? Do they care? Why do the ones who do believe all this feel compelled to force it on others, even to the point of killing? Do they really think their God and Jesus are Republicans? And have they ever read the Bible to see how it rails against hypocrisy more than it does being a lesbian? What happened to "love everyone", compassion for the poor and sick?

I listened to a fine talk about courage from a very wise and learned man. He was compelled to base his talk on biblical texts and he did, but loose enough that they were secondary to the message. It could have been a talk at a Rotary Club or a historical society for that matter.

The music was ok, I had heard it all before. Yes, there were some folks glad to see me, and vice versa. Some there didn't notice I was there, and vice versa. Those who I consider friends are also those I would (and have) befriend even outside a church setting. But is it all really just a social occasion? Aren't we there to learn and change? That I did not see there, or in Christian religion in general.

So I left not feeling compelled to return regularly. It was nice, but certainly not reborn and reinvigorated; I did not feel the energy and sense of exploration I once found.

That, I fear, is no longer a part of my church experience. And it left me on a Sunday morning. How ironic.

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